In the future we'll all be gay
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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