my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
