I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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