Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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