Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
