he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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