Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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