I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
