Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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