Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
