last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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