During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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