How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
