guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize