I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
