I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
