we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
