Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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