I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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