i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
