last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
