Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
