What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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