dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
