I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
