Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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