just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
