I puked a lego.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize