i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
