Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
