Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
