There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
