Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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