Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
