If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
