Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
