he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
