i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize