I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
