I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
