i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
