I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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