Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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