He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
