is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
BRING THE BAGELS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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