I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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