I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
