All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
