the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
