what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
